50 things i will not do in the Naruto World
by Koori No Emperor
Summary: lol, isn't the title obvious enough? 50 stories on 50 things not to do in the naruto world.
1. Chapter 1

(thanks to Anunefan412 who let me borrow her idea. check out her awsome Hyotei fics)

**50 things I will Not do in the Naruto World**

**Number 1**

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CH 1

In dark alley

Sasuke: you got the goods?

(Unknown): yah…you got the…

Sasuke: yah yah here! -shoves into hands-

-unmasks self-

Hinata: FINALLY! A precious lock of Naruto-kuns hair! -rubs against face- now I can make the ultimate ninja…NINATO!!! A combination of Naruto and myself! Kukukukukukukukukukuku ! -evil Dr. Frankenstein laugh- -lightning flashes in background-

Sasuke:….-leaves-

genin training grounds

Sasuke: -lurks in shadows- -runs and hides behind tree-…at last… -opens bag-

Naruto: oi! Sasuke! What are you doing?

Sasuke: -girly shriek- nn-n-nothing!

Naruto:???...hn?whats that? -grabs bag-

Sasuke: NO DON'T! GIVE IT BACK!

Naruto? O-O….Sasuke….why are there tomatoes in here…?

Sasuke: because—

Naruto: I mean SERIOUSLY! Why the heck would you want a bag of VEGGIES?!?

Sasuke: a tomato's a fruit.

Naruto: no. it's icky. So it's a veggie

Sasuke: irritated- well actually, The confusion about 'fruit' and 'vegetable' arises because of the differences in usage between scientists and cooks. Scientifically speaking, a tomato is definitely a fruit. True fruits are developed from the ovary in the base of the flower, and contain the seeds of the plant (though cultivated forms may be seedless). Blueberries, raspberries, and oranges are true fruits, and so are many kinds of nut. Some plants have a soft part which supports the seeds and is also called a 'fruit', though it is not developed from the ovary: the strawberry is an example. As far as cooking is concerned, some things which are strictly fruits may be called 'vegetables' because they are used in savory rather than sweet cooking. The tomato, though technically a fruit, is often used as a vegetable, and a bean pod is also technically a fruit. The term 'vegetable' is more generally used of other edible parts of plants, such as cabbage leaves, celery stalks, and potato tubers, which are not strictly the fruit of the plant from which they come. Occasionally the term 'fruit' may be used to refer to a part of a plant which is not a fruit, but which is used in sweet cooking: rhubarb, for example. So a tomato is the fruit of the tomato plant, but can be used as a vegetable in cooking.

Naruto: no it's a VEGGIE!!!! VEGGIEEE!!!!!

Sasuke: -angry-

a little while later

Sakura: Sasuke-kun! Are you all right? I thought I heard screaming—

Sasuke: it was nothing.

Sakura: oh I'm glad. By the way, you haven't seen Naruto have you?

back at the training grounds

Naruto: hehehe…..so many little birdies….wait! no! don't go away…..! come back!!!

Lee: Neji? Why is Naruto-kun wearing your wig?

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XD Premature balding!!!!!!!!! lol this is my first try at a fanfic so reveiws and constructive critscism will be greatly appreciated. 


	2. Chapter 2

**50 things I will not do in the Naruto World**

**Number 2**

**_I will not offer Choji a pancake_**

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Shikamaru: nffgeakjealkjkimnnnrrrfff 

Shikaku: Shikamaru. Don't talk with your mouth full.

Shikamaru: -swallow- sorry….

-starts eating in silence-

-door suddenly bursts open-

Choji: SHIKAMARU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shikamaru: what? What's wrong Choji? You look like the world ended.

Choji: -stomach grumble-

Shikaku: -gruff laugh- no wonder. The boy's hungry. Only time I've ever seen him angry.

Shikamaru: you're welcome to stay for breakfast

Choji: - inside cheer- so what are we having?

Shikamaru: pancakes

Choji: what's that?

Shikaku: what? You've never had PANCAKES before?

Shikamaru: you're in luck Choj'! You haven't lived till you've tried my dad's pancakes!

Shikaku: -puts plate down in front of Choji-

Choji: -inspects- -amazed- they're so thin! Woooaaahhhhhh….. -takes bite-. THIS IS AMAZING!!!!MMMMMMM!!!!!!! MORE!!!!!!!!!! -eats stack-… -glances over- ARGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! -eats Shikamaru's stack- -food starts flying everywhere- -grabs Shikaku's stack-

Shikachi: Nii-san? Why is youw're friend eating so cwazily? -drops pancake on self- ooops

Choji: -turns slowly- -demonic eyes- AAAAAAGGGRAAAHHHH!!!!

**-BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM-**

* * *

Authors note: so THAT'S what happened to Shikamaru's sister…TT-TT poor kid didn't know what was coming to her. 


	3. Chapter 3

(special thanks to FullMetal Alchemistress for first review)

**50 things I will Not Do in the Naruto World **

**Number 3**

**_I will not call Kabuto 'Daddy'_**

* * *

Kabuto: ok Sasuke-kun -. All done with training today. You can go now.

Sasuke: k, bye daddy.

……

………

…..

-awkward silence-

Kabuto: O-------------O ……

Sasuke: - blush- I mean—no that's not—I didn't—LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -huff huff-

-storms off-

Kabuto: what was that all about?

Orochimaru: Kabuuuuuutttooooo! –angry-!

Kabuto: What Orochimaru-sama? What happened?

Orochimaru: did I hear right?!?!?! ARE YOU SASUKE-KUN'S FATHER!!!!???!!!!

Kabuto: do I even need to answer that?

Orochimaru : -mutter- of course not…no no…if it was Kabuto..then Sasuke would be ugly…no wait…he could have inherited his looks from his mother…he does have a cute feminine look about him…whereas Kabuto -sneaks a look-….

Kabuto: Orochimaru-….sama…..you think I'm….UGLY?!?!?! -cries in little corner-

Orochimaru: -ignores- ok….Sasuke-kun's dad must be…an UCHIHA! Yes. Yes. Good. …unless….he was ADOPTED! That explains why Itachi hates him! Parents always give the adopted kid more attention. It also explains his emo-ness. If that was soo….then…it could be anyone!... Kabuto!

Kabuto: -tears streaking down face- yes, Orochimaru-sama?

Orochimaru: I need you to find out Sasuke-kun's REAL father!

Kabuto: what? But Sasuke-kun's father is Uchiha—

Orochimaru: I DON'T WANNA HEAR YOUR LIES!!!!!!!!!! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS HES SOOOO MUCH MORE ATTRACTIVE THEN YOU ARE! I BET YOU'VE NEVER EVEN HAD A DATE BEFORE!

Kabuto: as a matter of fact—

Orochimaru: dates with me don't count.

Kabuto:……. Why don't you love me!!?!!?!!! -runs off hysterically crying-

a few weeks later

Orochimaru: -talking to Otagakure anbu- are you sure…really…no way..yes yes..very grateful..thank you.

Orochimaru: -to Kabuto- -sings- guess what I got -flaunts manila folder in Kabuto's face-

Kabuto: what?

Orochimaru: SASUKE'S FILE! STOLEN DIRECTLY FROM MASASHI KISHIMOTO!

Kabuto: and I care…why?

Orochimaru: because now I know who Sasuke's real father is!

Kabuto: -mildly interested- hn?

-Sasuke enters room-

Orochimaru: why hello _ECHIZEN_ _Sasuke_.

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Author's note: O-O Sasuke's related to Ryoma! NO WAY! XD 


	4. Chapter 4

**50 things I will Not do in the Naruto World**

**Number 5**

**_I will not ask how Tayuya got her flute_**

* * *

Jirobo: Hey Tayuya. 

Tayuya: what &$&#&( head.

Jirobo: -used to her foul language- how'd you get your flute?

Tayuya: what kind of !#&$(&#$)$) question is that!?!?!?!

Tayuya: fine. If you_ must_ ask….

Kidomaru: Oooooh! Let me tell the story!

5 mins later

Kidomaru:…and that's when she solely caused the ultimate destruction of her clan!

-Ukon and Sakon walk in-

Ukon: what are you talking about? That's that Uchiha freak.

Sakon: yah! And that's not how it went! She said that she killed the Otakage and stole the flute from HIM!

Jirobo: wait….we don't have an Otakage…

Ukon: yah we do! It's Orochimaru-sama!!!

Kidomaru: no we don't! remember!? The 5 great Kages don't acknowledge us! And they definitely won't acknowledge such a horrible villain as Orochimaru!

-Kimimaru appears out of nowhere behind Kidomaru-

Kimimaru: are you talking bad about Orochimaru-sama?

Kidomaru: -scared- NO! n-nn-no! I meant…the great 5 kages are just so dumb, they won't acknowledge Orochimaru-sama because he is just so much more powerful than them….

Kimimaru: -still not satisfied-

Kidomau: AND BECAUSE HE IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN ALIVE!!!!!

Kimimaru: -Happy-

Kidomaru: -under breath- that..love child of Michael Jackson and Lord Voldemort.

Kimimaru: -glare-

Kidomaru: wait…aren't you supposed to be dead?

Kimimaru: we're all dead….on the inside….

Everyone: O---O

Kimimaru: I heard you talking about Tayuya's flute

Jiboro: so you know where she got it?

Kimimaru: yah I was with her at the time

Tayuya: OK YOU &$(&$#(&$&)#$$#!!!!!!!!!! ILL TELL YOU!!!!!!!!it's a precious family heirloom!!! It's all I have left of my parents!!!!!!!!!!! -starts to cry-

Jiboro, Kidomaru, Sakon, Ukon: TT-TT

Kimimaru: Tayuya……you got that at Wal-Mart

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Authors Note: lol this one is my favorite by far 


	5. Chapter 5

**50 things I will not do in the Naruto World**

**Number 5**

_**I will Not bring up Prince of Tennis ever again **_

* * *

Naruto: so so I was reading this COOOOOOL manga called prince of tennis!

Sakura: why would you watch a show about tennis?

Naruto: it's a MANGA.

Sakura: no its not. You. Don't. READ.

Naruto: ok fine. I was WATCHING this cool anime called prince of tennis and it's like about this boy named Ryoma and his tennis adventures!!!

Sakura: Ick. That sounds so dorky.

Naruto: is not! They have like these super awesome jutsus like…-starts imitating them- KIKUMARU BEEEAM! TSUBAME GAISHI!...

Sakura: -thinking of how to perform these 'jutsus' and the chakra and hand signs involved-

Naruto:… Snake shot! And….-grabs Shino's glasses- -scary voice- daaata tennis…!!!

Shino: if you don't give me back my glasses right now…-looks up-

Sasuke: oh…my…god

Naruto: IM GONNA PUKE!

Sakura: -screams-

-throws glasses back at Shino who abruptly leaves-

Naruto:…..where was I …..oh yah…PRINCE OF TENNIS IS SO AWSOME! Like if we were in it…I WOULD BE RYOMA!!!!

Sakura: Ryoma's the main character right? no way! If anyone deserves to be the main character its DEFINATLY SASUKE-KUN! Right - Sasuke-kun?

Sasuke: nfu.

Sakura: O--O…Sasuke-kun?

Naruto: NO! YOU CAN'T BE MIZUKI! HE'S WAY TOO COOL FOR YOU!

Sakura: -scary aura- what did you say Naruto?

Naruto: eeep. ………………………………………………I mean, his special move doesn't….-searches for right words (aka, words that won't get him beat up by Sasuke's number 1 fan)- really….fit…you….

Sakura: -too absorbed in her own thoughts- hn…I still think you should be Ryoma, Sasuke-kun!

Sasuke: what so you could be that annoying Tomo girl?

Sakura: -hurt- no, I would be Sakuno -. She's the one that Ryoma has a secret crush on.

Sasuke: pfft. If he had a crush on anyone it would be that girl, Terry Griffey.

Sakura: Sasuke-kun….Terry is a boy….

Sasuke: -jaw drops- ….ill…erm…be right back.

Naruto: he's going to go rip up those Terry posters he plastered all over his walls isn't he?

Sakura: -nods sullenly-

late afternoon

Sasuke:-out of breath- ok I'm back

Sakura: -O--O- erm…Sasuke-kun…

Sasuke: what now?

Naruto: -laughs- haha! -points to back-

Sasuke: -looks- ahhh! -crumples up a pic of Terry posing as if giving a kiss-…ahem…so…what are we talking about?

Naruto: I was just saying, my move would be like…DUNK SMASH! Because that's Momo's move! And he's big and strong and he—

Sakura: eats like a pig like you do?...Sasuke-kun! Will you tell him that there's no such thing as Prince of Tennis in real life? He thinks he can actually do those jutsus.

Naruto: yah I can! Watch this! -jumps up- DUNK SMASHUUUU! –lands- DONNNN -crosses hands-

Sakura: ok. All you did was jump up say some dumb words and fall back down.

Sasuke: -looks at sky- it's getting late, I'd better go now

Sakura: bu-but Sasuke-kun! -punches Naruto- IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! If you hadn't had brought up this subject—

- Sasuke leaves-……-as soon as he leaves, girls start to appear out of nowhere as if magically drawn to him-

-amidst all the bickering between Naruto and Sakura, they could swear they heard him say……'Sasuke zone'…-

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Author's Note: well i guess that's it for now. if you have any requests please leave them in a review. ty 


	6. Chapter 6

**50 things I will Not do in the Naruto World**

**Number 6**

**_I will not let Itachi give a thank you speech_**

* * *

Pein: ok and this week's evil bad guy of the week goes to….

-Drumroll-

Pein: Itachi!

Itachi: what me? No way! -runs past brimming trophy case commemorating… guess who…Itachi-

Pein: ok here –shoves into hands- now as for your next mi—

Itachi: what!? I don't get to make a speech?!?

All of Akatsuki:…… -someone distantly coughs-

Pein: ….fine…make it quick

Itachi: yes of course! First I would like to thank someone very precious to me. Without whom I would never even dream of coming this far. Sure we have had our bad times as well as our good; this person…is not only my partner but…-wipes tear-…mm-my…best friend…

Kisame: -tears well up- i…Itachi-san……

Itachi: I would like to call this person up

Kisame: -starts toward podium-

Itachi: but since he's already here…

Kisame: -stops- huh?

Itachi: yes! I'm talking about MR. HAPPY COMB! The most gentle and vicious comb you will ever have! He gently GLIDES through your hair –demonstrates- like sooo….and viciously attacks those icky nasty knots. Zetsu style! TA-DA!

Zetsu: what do you mean Zetsu- style?

Sasori: With ribbons and pink bunnies?

Zetsu: -looks down at outfit- -starts arguing with self- YOU SAID IT COMPLIMENTED ME! _YAH? WELL YOU STINK_! WHAT? _YOU HEARD ME!_ YOU WANNA START SOMETHING? _MABYE I DO! _WELL! YOUR MEGAPHONE HAS LICE! –falls to ground wrestling…..self-

_-20 minutes later-_

Itachi: and I would like to thank Dei-chan for going to the prom with me when Winry turned me down…

Sasori: -snicker- Dei-chan…

Deidara: SHUT-IT! UN! IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE ITACHI-SAN USED HIS TSUKUYOMI ON ME!

Hidan: hmm…

Deidara: what? Un.

Hidan: I'm just wondering what he could have possibly shown you that was so horrible you had to do that.

Deidara: sasori-dono…in a…dress….72 hours of it….u-u-un.

Zetsu: O-O Itachi you madman!

Sasori: Deidara…..-starts chasing-

Hidan: ahhh! The image! Must repent! -drives stake through heart-

Orochimau: wait…what color was it…?

Deidara: -stops-….-thinks-……it was……lime green sundress….

Orochimaru: NOOOOOO!!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ITACHI! THAT'S SOOOOOO NOT HIS COLOR!!!!

Pein: Orochimaru…what are you doing here?

Orochimaru: -holding bag- um nothing……

Itachi: Orochimaru…..what are you doing with my underwear….?

-awkward silence-

Orochimaru: RUN SASUKE! THEY'RE ONTA US!!!!!!!!!

Sasuke: -holding more of Itachi's underwear-

Itachi: -raises eyebrow-

Sasuke: Nii-san! I will finally destroy you!

Itachi: -raises eyebrow higher-

Sasuke: you see….-rustle rustle- ahh….can't get on…so tight…..TADA! –superman pose wearing Itachi's underwear on top of pants- now that I have a possession of yours I'M ALL POWERFUL!!!!! Orochimaru says …….can't touch this!na na na na na na na! IM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!

Itachi: -flick-

Sasuke: -writhes in pain-

Itachi: by the way….those are Tobi's.

Tobi: Tobi a big boy now!

Sasuke: -twitch twitch-

Tobi: If you like you can have more! I have some that have Elmo on it! And it SINGS!!!!!!

Sasuke: -tries to edge away-

Tobi: -brings out said underpants and an Elmo doll-

Kakuzu: -girly scream- NOOO!!! NOT ELMO! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!!!!

Tobi: O-O but Elmo loooves you!

Kakuzu: -hysterical screaming- he eats babies! I SAW him! HE EATS BABIES AT NIGHT!!!!!!

Tobi: -presses button- …

Elmo:-Elmo's head slowly spins around-…kukuku….Kakuzu….-bares fangs- I'm gonna getcha….I'm gonaa…..

Tobi: -suddenly bangs Elmo head against wall repeatedly-

Elmo: -whirring machine-type sound- El-Elmo…l-lloves.. yo-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-u

Tobi: -innocent smile-

Kakuzu: -SCREAM-

Zetsu: hey! Where'd Orochimaru and that little brat go?

Pein: they must have escaped while Kakuzu was screaming over Elmo. Let's go get them.

Zetsu: yah.

Itachi: -not paying attention to anyone- …and I'd like to thank the guy who puts the sticky stuff on the back of envelopes….

Kakuzu: help me! HELP ME!!!! HIDAN!!! HIIIIIIDAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Hidan: how much will you give me?

Kakuzu: -blink blink- what?

Hidan: Pay me.

Kakuzu: NEVEH!!!!!!!!!!!

Hidan: -grabs Elmo doll out of Tobi's hands and starts advancing toward Kakuzu-

Kakuzu: -falls to ground and starts foaming at the mouth-

-1 week later-

Itachi: and finally I thank the guy who invented nose hair clippers so now I don't have to wake up every morning to that bush growing out of Kisame's nose.

Itachi: -looks around expecting applause. What he sees is-

X Kisame in a little emo corner because he wasn't added in Itachi's speech X

X Pein and Zetsu torturing their hostage Kabuto to get the whereabouts of Orochimaru and Sasuke who happen to be in a salon across the street. Orochimaru convinced Sasuke that he will become more powerful if he had bright fuchsia glow-in-the-dark nails. And hey, if Itachi it why shouldn't it work for him? X

X Sasori chasing Deidara X

X Deidara screaming bloody murder. X

X Hidan dirtying the carpet with blood stains touching Kakuzu with a battered Elmo doll. X

X Kakuzu foaming at the mouth yelling in anguish and clutching his money pouch. X

X Tobi poking at the foaming Kakuzu with a stick. X

Itachi: -shrugs- -starts to walk off toward room-

Pein: oh Itachi I almost forgot, this week's evil bad guy of the week goes to…


	7. Chapter 7

50 Things I will Not do in the Naruto World

Number7

I will not bother Gaara when he's angry

* * *

Gaara was feeling angry today; angry for no apparent reason. He would kill the first person he saw, he thought to himself. He violently slammed the door and sauntered outside. 

Everyone could sense the angry aura omitting from the young Kazekage and no one was dumb enough to—

"HEY GAARA!", Temari yelled.

Gaara thought for a minute. She _was_ his older sister after all, and it would seem bad if the Kazekage killed his own sister. But then again, when did he ever care for his siblings, or anyone else for that matter. Just as he was about to strike—

"So then I was like 'No Way!'.And she was like 'Way!' and and—KYAAAA THERE HE IS!!!!" she yelled, running off into the distance.

Gaara was confused. Since when did his sister act like that? He shook his head and walked on. He saw Kankuro. Again, he had his doubts, but his lack of caring drove him on. He wrapped his sand around his older brother's legs---

He wheeled around."Hey! What did I ever do to y—Oh wait…is this about Mr. Fluffikens?" He said mockingly.

Gaara stopped.

Kankuro replied, "Well Gaara, as Kazekage it's just not professional to still have a stuffed bear. And I thought Crow needed it more than you did…" his voice faded out as thoughts ran through Gaara's head. So THAT'S what happened to him. Like I care, I don't need a teddy bear anymore. Those are for weaklings. Weaklings like Kankuro who play with barbies, Why should I care if he--. Wait.

"YOU LET YOUR PUPPET EAT MY MR FLUFFIKENS!?!?!?!?!?!" He yelled.

Everyone in the vicinity paused. Did the Kazekage just--? No, they must have misheard. Gaara by now had noticed the large crowd that had gathered and recollected himself. No, this is not how a Kazekage should behave. I'll just get him later. When there are no witnesses around. I'll get him, and his little doll too.

Over in the corner he saw a little girl. Why did she look so familiar? She reminded him of…..that person. The one he tried to reach out to. The one who's scream still rings in his head. He clutched his scar. His…emotions….he couldn't control them anymore. He was just about to lose complete control when a sandy haired young man walked out and took the young girl by the hand. They appeared to know each other. A brother perhaps. They took no notice to Gaara crouching in the dark. The boy, he was familiar too. He looked like…….Yashamaru.

Gaara desperately tried his best to stay under control. Shukaku was at the breaking point. In a heavy deep voice he breathed, "I will…..kill you…."

The girl heard him, she looked back. "Yah well. I'm gonna kill you too, Whatcha say to that Mister Sand Person!", She giggled. She smiled a smile that can only be smiled by someone of a pure heart.

Gaara broke. He ran. He ran as far as he could. As far as he could get away from these people. These people who brought back unwanted memories.

He came to a halt in the middle of a dark forest. He caught his breath; tried to clear his mind. As he sat upon the ground a young man walked up behind him.

"Whatcha doing,?" he sang.

Gaara jumped back; caught by surprise.

"Oooooh I scared you", he gave an odd smile. It seemed almost insincere.

"Who are you?" Gaara asked wary of this suspicious person he couldn't sense.

"Hn?ahh My name's Sai. It's a pleasure to meet you" he said giving yet another insincere smile. Gaara didn't like that smile.

"I'm going to kill you", he said threateningly.

"Hmmm…yeah….that's not going to work for me…can we reschedule?"

Garra raised a hand and nicked his arm. Sai glanced at his now bleeding arm and suddenly tensed. "Well, BRING IT ON OLD MAN!!!!"

Gaara began to get serious. He braced himself for a counterattack when a suddenly a blur dashed past and whisked away the strange boy.

He looked around his surroundings. He seemed to be around Konoha. He hadn't visited since the chuunin exams. He wondered how everyone was doing.

It wasn't hard to bypass security. He was Kazekage after all.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAAIT'S KAZEKAGE-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh great fangirls, he thought. So I even have fangirls in Konoha. Interesting. Then he had an idea, if he killed a fangirl, no one would really care. They _are_ annoying after all. Its self defense, he justified.

A fangirl with red hair ran up to him. It seemed dyed. She had buttons plastered all over herself and was wearing a strange white shirt with a picture of him….from the chunnin exams? How did she get that? The painting looked real. What strange jutsu did she use?

He was so immersed in his own thoughts, he heard nothing of what she was saying, all he could catch was the word 'marry'. He didn't notice another had grabbed his arm as well. Were those his old clothes? No, but similer. She looked up at him with pleading eyes. He managed to shake her off and at a safe distance he said, "I'm going to kill you" He expected her to cry, he expected her to plead with him for her measly little fangirly-life, what he didn't expect was—

"KYAAAAAAAAA OF COURSE ILL DIE BY THE HANDS OF YOU KAZEKAGE-SAMA!!!!! I'VE DREAMED IT THOUSANDS OF TIMES!!!!!!!!! NOW MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!" and the other, "NO! WHY HER!?!?!?! PICK ME KAZEKAGE-SAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!"

He was annoyed. After all the commotion they just caused, everyone was going to know he tried to kill someone from Konoha. That'll ruin the treaty Suna made with them and things will be chaos. Not that he didn't like chaos. He loved it. But as Kazekage, he'd have to be the one to sort it out. Disgusted, he turned and walked right into—

"YOU!" they both yelled at the same time.

By now the fangirls were long gone. They yelled something about him being so 'cruel' and ran off in tears.

He studied his new opponent. What was his name again…..Uchiha Sasuke…?

He smiled. Finally a worthy opponent. Sasuke must have been thinking something along the same lines since he too smiled. Wordlessly, they understood the other wanted a fight. Since Gaara was the challenger, Sasuke had the first move.

Gaara sneered, "Prepare to die."

Sasuke smirked his reply, "You wish. I know your one and only weakness."

Gaara was intrigued. Sasuke smirked again. "DIE!!!!!!!", he yelled squirting him with a watergun.

Gaara watched as the water slicked off. Sasuke blinked. "Oh wait…sorry I thought you were one of those aliens……."

Gaara sweatdropped. In the distance he heard, "OI! Sasuke-teme! Tsunade Baa-chan says to take your medicine!!!!" then, "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!!!!!!!" Sasuke ran off rubbing a dead weasel that came out of nowhere. So that's how he really acts, Garra thought. Itachi must have done some serious damage to his mind. Poor kid. Gaara felt sorry for him, then got angry because he didn't like sympathy.

A large figure came out of the woods. He was wearing a black cloak with red clouds all over. He had an orange mask on.

Surprisingly, the man ran up to Gaara saying, "HI! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!!!!"

Gaara presumed that was his name. Tobi. He seemed odd….Again, he felt sympathy. Then a sudden surge of hatred. "I will kill you"

Tobi must have thought he was playing a game or something. He yelled "Yeah, well! I CAN KILL MYSELF FASTER THAN YOU CAN!!" and killed himself.

He walked on. He passed the main gate, and came to, it seemed, an even larger gate. It had the words, 'Hyuuga clan' engraved on it. He decided he may as well try his luck here. There was someone coming out of the mansion. She stopped in front on Gaara.

"uh…u..um….o h-h-hayo…Ga- I mean-K-KK-Kazekage-sama!" She stuttered nervously.

"I'm going to kill you" he said emotionlessly.

"oh..o-oo-okay…t-th-then I g-guess I b-better reschedule that d-date with K-Kankuro-san.."

Garra blinked. What? This girl going out with _Kankuro_? What's going on here? Another figure came out of the gate.

"ah! O-o-onii-san! Ohayo" Hinata stuttered again looking at the ground.

"Ohayo Hinata-sama" Neji said. He didn't happen to notice Gaara until _just_ now.

"Don't tell me you have a date with Temari, I'll kill you" Gaara said threateningly.

"I know you are but what am I?!"

"ano….Nii-chan……that made no sense….." Hinata whispered

"Ha. I learned that today. Gai-sensei will be proud! Then I'll finally get more attention than his little mini-me Lee!!! HAHAHAHA" Neji laughed.

Gaara coughed.

Neji continued, "hnnn….I'm sensing a lack of self-confidence….do you hate your father..?"

"My father is dead" Garra said tonelessly

Hinata gasped, "Oh! I-I'm ss-so sorr-y"

Neji, not paying any attention, persisted, "…and that is why because of fate, you will never defeat me."

Garra had walked away after 'and'. That conversation was boring him. He looked around. Training grounds? Ah yes. They modeled the one in Suna after this. He heard the sound of a tree truck cracking. Amidst a pile of fallen bark lay a certain green jumpsuit wearing ninja. He noticed Gaara coming.

"Ah Gaara-kun! It's so nice to see you! What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to kill you" He replied.

"eh?"

"I'm going to kill you" Gaara repeated

"Aha! Ok,ok, you got me! I've been punk'd right? Hi Gai-sensei! I'm on T.V.!!!!!" Lee squealed enthusiastically.

While Lee was in the middle of thanking Suna, Gai-Sensei, the producers, Gai-sensei, Gaara, and Gai-sensei. Gaara left. He didn't really want to kill Lee anyway, his smile brightens anyone's day. Gaara himself almost smiled, but caught himself. He seemed to be in front of the ninja academy. Leaning against the tree looking much calmer than earlier, was, Uchiha Sasuke. Gaara decided he might as well finish his match, and now that Sasuke had calmed down and came to his senses it would be more fun.

"I'm going to kill you", Gaara said.

"Yeah, like I haven't heard _that_ one before! Get in line, Mister! Itachi called first dibs." Sasuke said angrily.

"Now now, Sasuke-kun, the doctor said not to get to excited" a certain pink-haired kunoichi scolded, smiling. She slipped some purple liquid into his hot chocolate.

Gaara had been confused before. He had been confused so many times today, but none of them were compared to the confusion he felt right now. I mean, who drinks hot-chocolate in the summer? Oh wait- -His thoughts were interrupted as that sweet innocent little kunoichi socked him across his face yelling "BEAT IT!!!!!!!!!"

He landed in the water near a bridge. As he started to pull himself out of the water, he noticed a hand reaching out to help him. It was Naruto-kun.

"ah….." was all Gaara could say as Naruto helped him out of the water.

Naruto smiled his trademark smile. "Gaara! So what are you doing here?"

Gaara mumbled .

"Huh what was that? I can't hear you"

Gaara mumbled some more.

"WAFFLES!! Oh sorry…I got bored….What were you saying again?"

By this time Naruto was getting on his last nerve, just as he was about to—

"Yeah, Well I got to go Gaara. Shikamaru has a date with Temari and asked for directions—oh wait! Hey! Shikamaru can just go home with you! Hold on a sec I'll get him!" Naruto ran off.

Gaara had just started thinking of all the cruel things he'll do to him when Shikamaru appeared.

"Thanks Gaara, It would've been a pain to go get those directions. If I didn't show up on time, Temari would, Well you know. It'd just be troublesome." Shikamaru ranted.

Gaara said-- **(A/n do I even need to say it? Well, I guess I will for the sake of the people not paying any attention)** nothing as he silently walked toward Shikamaru **(A/n haha! Fooled you!XD)**

Shikamaru was nervous. He didn't like that look in Gaara's eyes.

" Um….uh…err..I'm not here right now…please leave a message after the beep….BEEEP", He yelled running toward Suna.

Gaara smiled, at least he'll be able to kill _someone_ today.

* * *

XD over 2000 words!!!!!!!!!!!!! My longest story yet. I was experimenting with styles; tell me which you prefer, this or the other one. Yes I know, this one wasn't funny. I promise the next one will be like my others. 

this story is based on 15 things to say to gaara when he's about to kill you, m sorry i don't remember your name but credit goes to you!


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